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"the Impact Of Student Loan Debt On Minority And Underrepresented Communities"
Have you ever worried what your student loan debt might do to your future or current relationship? It's not unusual for money to throw a wrench into a couple's future plans, but how big of a problem is it?
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We wanted to find out, so we asked more than 1,000 borrowers about their experiences with student loan debt and relationships. Here's what we learned.
One of the biggest obstacles in serious relationships is trying to get two people on the same page about almost every important issue under the sun. Conflicts inevitably occur.
More than 43 percent of respondents said they fight about money with their partners at least "somewhat often." Given the fact that debt is a big source of stress among individuals, it's no surprise that it can lead to stress for couples.
On the bright side, being open and honest about student loan debt has helped some couples work together:
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But even working together on student loan debt can have an impact. After all, federal student loan repayment programs can last anywhere from 10 to 30 years. Even if you pay off your debt early, you could be in for a long time.
The stress caused by this type of debt can negatively affect mental health. And one casualty of this tax may be your libido. About a third of respondents claimed that their sex drive had decreased due to student loan debt.
As in my case, many people who have student debt fear that their loans could single-handedly destroy their relationship. The results of this research, however, show something quite different.
More than a third of respondents said that when it comes to deciding whether to get serious with someone, how they handle their debt could be a deal breaker. Less than a quarter said that having a high amount of debt would be a problem.
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Perhaps even more encouraging, only 29 percent said the most attractive feature in a potential partner's financial health is "zero student loan debt." Compare that to 72 percent who said the ability to properly budget was the most attractive financial attribute.
All of this points to a desire to see a strong financial foundation — and how having a plan for the future can be far more important to potential partners than being debt-free today.
It's important to mention that while student loan debt doesn't necessarily destroy relationships, it can delay important life and relationship milestones.
A quarter of respondents have put off moving in with a partner because of student loan debt. Another 35 percent delayed "talking about marriage." And 46 percent delayed starting a family.
Watch: How Student Loan Debt Disproportionately Hurts Black Borrowers
So what can you do with these findings? Know that while student loan debt can weigh you down, your love life doesn't have to suffer because of it. Instead, show that you have an action plan for the debt - this way your partner (or future partner) can feel encouraged that the situation is under control.
To begin, banish the emotions that can so often arise with student loan debt, such as feeling burdened, frustrated, angry, afraid, or ashamed. Know that debt doesn't make you a failure – and being late for some life milestones might not be such a bad thing.
Erin Wiley, licensed professional clinical counselor, explained how you and your partner can find the positives in your situation:
“Instead of lamenting that you can't buy a house yet or start trying for a baby, celebrate the freedom of not having to mow your lawn or fix your gutters and be able to go out with your friends right away. … Enjoy the time you have without commitments like a house and children and embrace the freedom it gives you.”
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If you haven't told your partner about your debt and the relationship is getting serious, now is the time to put your cards on the table. Economic behaviorist Jacquette Timmons encourages leaning into the vulnerability of this first economic speech:
“The goal with these types of conversations should not be to avoid the fear and awkwardness that comes with it. This is natural! It fits the territory of being vulnerable - whether you're the person who starts the conversation or not."
“Even if you feel bad about your debt, you don't need to defend yourself. I think that's a mistake too many people make when they share information that doesn't cast them in the most positive light or that they feel self-conscious about."
That said, if you're still too worried about sharing the truth about your debt, understand the seriousness of not doing so if you're planning a life together. Shawna Young, a licensed marriage and family therapist, said it's important for couples to have an open-door policy when it comes to finances:
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“Financial infidelity can lead to mistrust and be as harmful as physical or emotional infidelity. Therefore, an honest and open policy is of utmost importance in a relationship, especially in a marital relationship.”
Let's say you've had the speech, or you've had the speech over and over again, and you're just getting nowhere. Maybe it's time to seek help.
One way to get help is to talk to a marriage or couples counselor. Wiley explained why it's better to do it sooner rather than later:
"Most therapists agree: Couples typically show up for counseling about seven years too late for the state of their marriage. If you're struggling, don't wait—get help now."
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In addition to a marriage counselor, you can also seek out a qualified financial planner to work out a road map for your money. Once you have a direction and steps to follow, it's much easier to turn frustration into empowerment and see real progress as you work toward your future together.
Finally, know that being together is your best chance for success. Don't hide in feelings of shame if you have debt and don't judge if your partner has debt. Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin emphasized the power of working as a unit:
“Couples who are committed to making it work can weather even the toughest financial times. It's not always easy, but with the right tools and the desire to make it work, they can stop the stress of debt from torpedoing their marriage."
Remember, this is just one of the many obstacles you will have to overcome in your life together. Learning how to do it with money will only strengthen your relationship. Work out a financial plan as a couple, talk honestly about your feelings and seek help if you need it.
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There may come a time when all of this is a distant memory and you will be able to enjoy the real prize: a happy life together.
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Do you know how your student loans work? A new Student Loan Hero survey reveals that many borrowers are misinformed in significant ways. The skyrocketing tuition and student debt over the past decade has led our country to a serious discussion about the need to reduce the cost of college and student debt. However, there are still many misconceptions about the scope or magnitude of the problem that student debt poses to our national economy and the financial security of student borrowers.1, 2 More than 44 million Americans, or nearly 1 in 5 adults , they now have student debt. That share is even higher among millennials, one-third of whom have student loans.3 And the burden of student debt is not shared equally—today more than half of African American households under the age of 40 have student loan debt.4 Student debt has negative effects for many borrowers. studies show that student debtors have less savings, more difficulty buying homes, and less retirement
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